Understanding Emotional Empathy:

Question: I often hear that HSPs (Highly Sensitive Persons) absorb and take on emotions from others. Every time I hear or read this, I think, ‘that’s not true.’ In my experience (as an HSP myself), I do feel the energy of others, but it’s not like I absorb it. How do you see this?

I’ve chosen this question to address because it’s a commonly stated belief, but it’s a bit more nuanced than that. It reminds me of a session I once had with a woman who conducted therapeutic consultations with people at her home practice. At the end of the day, she felt that all the emotions of the people who had visited her that day were still lingering in her “system”. This is a frequently heard complaint among HSP therapists.

Sensitive individuals can indeed “feel” other people, much like how horses do. By the way, everyone can do this, but people with higher sensitivity are more focused and used to using this ‘feelings’ tool. At that moment that the energy of the other person enters your ‘empathy’ field, you can just ‘feel’ it. You recognize this energy because, as humans, no human experience is alien to us, and you label it as an emotion. However, “absorbing” implies something different. It suggests that you continue to carry that emotion after your contact with them. There can be two reasons for this:

• Perhaps  you’ve internalised this emotion because it resonates with a theme within yourself that the feeling reminds you of. Subsequently, you hold onto your own story related to that emotion, which triggers emotions within you. These emotions are, in fact, your own, touched by what you felt from the other person.
• You decide (!) to stay connected with the other person and create an energetic link, allowing you to continue sensing their emotions. This is possible because the empathic layer possesses qualities that transcend time and space.

To clarify the second point, let’s go back to the example of the woman who received clients in her home. When she was young, she discovered that she was liked and praised when she gave her attention and love to others, especially when they felt down. While on her life’s journey, she made a conscious decision to be available as a giver to others. This decision resulted in her maintaining the connection with people who sought her help, even after their sessions ended. When I pointed this out to her and she became aware of it, she accepted her decision, and she no longer struggled with absorbing her clients’ emotions.

What actually happens is that when you shift your energy towards others, to nourish them or because you feel connected and want to remain so (this can also happen with  infatuation, ‘a crush’, for example), your own energy centre becomes more diffuse. The more people you do this with, the more this ‘drains’ you and makes you feel really tired. It’s essential that we keep our energy centred and avoid letting it scatter outward. This happens to anyone who shifts their focus outside themselves.

To sum up: We don’t “absorb” others’ emotions; we ‘receive’ them and then ‘choose’ to do something with these emotions…. or not.