During my weekly online autism consultation, a description of a counselling session at a care farm caught my attention, and I feel the need to shed some light on it. I’ll break down, section by section.
“Recently, I had a conversation with a new support worker that ended up leaving me completely overwhelmed, and I eventually repeated the words in my mind ‘leave me alone’. I was sitting with my side facing her, avoiding eye contact, not saying much, but feeling a lot… I couldn’t handle sitting differently.”
The reaction described here is very logical. Energetically logical. Our body, specifically our energetic body, contains a number of concentrated receptors. You can imagine these receptors as satellite dishes, receivers, as well as being called chakras. In sensitive individuals like this person, these energy centres are fully open. To shield yourself from even more overstimulation, you will naturally try to limit the intensity of information that could have a destructive effect on you. In this case, the client does this intuitively by taking her ‘dish’ outside the ‘reception wave’ of this barrage of stimuli and repositioning it. It’s a coping mechanism and also a protective measure.
Now, any coach, therapist, or caregiver would understand that someone cannot learn or be receptive while in protection mode. In this case, you must focus entirely on creating a safe environment. However, what happened in this case was quite different.
“She started telling me that she didn’t find it pleasant and didn’t feel welcome. She asked me to imagine how it would be the other way around if she were sitting with me in that manner, and she said that what I was doing was not socially acceptable.”
Clearly, the coach was personally affected and took on the role of an authority figure. That position puts her in an unequal relationship with the client. Naturally, she is the guide and support worker, but in coaching, equality is fundamental to building a trusting bond. When you position yourself “above” someone, you force them into a “lower” position, making them feel even smaller and more distressed. What is happening here is called “countertransference.” The coach is also acting out of personal distress! It’s an unhealthy situation where, in this case, the caregiver should be wise enough to avoid.
“In my distress, I try to explain that I cannot imagine it because it’s not possible for me, and I wonder why she wants to see socially accepted behaviour. I try to convey that I am doing my best to connect despite the circumstances.”
The client is making a real effort to find a way to neutralise the situation, a remarkable feat, especially while she’s in protection mode. But in vain.
“She keeps insisting on this, and I feel overwhelmed by it. I can’t process these stimuli. Her discomfort, her ideas about what our contact should be like, and the inability to experience connection by contacting in a different way.”
At this point, you could continue on this unproductive path with the conversation, but it’s better for the coach to acknowledge and confess their own feelings and seek out a new, constructive approach. This takes courage. In my opinion, the basis of a constructive coaching conversation should be based on equal human connection and focusing on the client’s wholeness rather than their apparent flaws. Every weakness also holds a strength that must be tapped into to support the weaker side. It’s all about energy. For a client, it feels completely different energetically if you focus your attention on their weakness rather than their strength.
Energy is a natural given and often greatly overlooked. Not well understood, being perceptive of energy means understanding the underlying currents of certain behaviours. It helps us comprehend that the body sometimes adapts almost uncontrollably to restore balance and that emotions are meaningful guides. In Emotion Coaching, since we work with emotions, energy cannot be excluded during a session. Emotions are energetic flows—narrowing or expanding. Without insight into how energy works, much of the logic behind the behaviour of HSP individuals and those with autism is missed, resulting in approaches that do more harm than good.
If this blog resonated with you, the Energy Mastery Program might be your next horizon.
It follows the Emotion Mastery Program and takes you even deeper, into the creative, energetic forces behind your emotions and reality itself.
This advanced journey builds on the emotional foundation and opens the door to conscious creation, alignment, and energetic self-leadership.
