Hi beautiful soul,
Today, an old story came up,a really embarrassing moment.
I’ll share it with you, because it forced me to make a decision you might face too. And understanding the options might help you make the right one.
I was at a dinner table as a guest of a countess.
It was in her private castle in Scotland (yes, for real), together with a few other sophisticated people.
I remember feeling completely lost among them.
I was so nervous that the silverware slipped out of my hands and fell onto her perfect tablecloth.
Of course, she noticed.
With her hands, decorated with lots of gold, she slapped the table next to that little plate beside the big one and said, in the tone of a schoolteacher:
“Put it over there, darling!”
I was filled with shame, feeling like a child who didn’t know how to act among the elite.
Today I can laugh about it, but back then I wanted to run out of the room and cry.
When we feel ashamed, it seems important to keep our heads held high and mask our flaws.
So I did. I tried to adapt.
But honestly, I just wanted to take some porridge, blend some fruit into it, and enjoy it, even if it looked a bit like vomit.
What a dilemma!
Have you ever been in such a moment?
Trying to fit in, but also wanting to be true to yourself?
Whoa, what a choice to make!
Let’s look at that moment and see what options there were:
- I could have just accepted my mistake and moved on, acting normal. But because of the shame, that was hard.
- I could have shared my feelings, maybe they would have accepted me and told me it was okay. That might have helped, but it would have made me dependent on their approval, and I prefer to stay autonomous.
- I could have made a joke about it, turned myself into the clown of the evening, which might have fitted the clumsy momen. But that would have been a joke at my own expense.
And this is just a simple example, a way to look closely at what happens in moments like these.
The options are countless; everyone deals with such situations differently.
And then there’s the after… days, weeks, or even years later.
Many people carry the judgments about their flaws with them for years, reliving those moments again and again.
That’s the hardest part of shame, it quietly shapes our self-esteem.
Today, I would simply laugh, mix the fruit into the porridge, and show them that even without following the rules, I can still be kind, graceful, and lovely to be around.
Because in the end, it’s not etiquette that defines elegance, it’s the honesty of being yourself.
In the course about the Emotion Group Shame, the first emotion group of the Emotion Mastery Program, we dive deeper into what happens when you get stuck in feelings of worthlessness or in judging others. Maybe you want to take a look, because you deserve to feel good about yourself.
👉 Start the Emotion Mastery Program, dive into the secrets of shame, and join tomorrow’s Live Q&Emotion Session!
Warmly, Vera
