Dear soul sister / – brother,
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and listen to his breathing. Like a checkpoint ‘He’s still with me’. That habit remained from the period when I almost lost him to pulmonary embolisms.
Another time, I look at our children, growing older, and my thoughts go back to their births, when my husband stood so steadily present beside me. Holding my hand, whispering comforting words with his deep, warm voice.
And he’s also in my mind every moment I think of moving into the outer world ‘Would you like to come with me?’.
And when he’s not in my mind, he’s around me, because we both work from home. Twenty-four/seven, he’s nearby. And he’s still my very best friend… and lover… and soulmate… and business partner… and the father of my children.
I’m deeply attached to this man. I honestly need him in my life. And that’s probably why I ‘have’ him.
On Midwinter Day, we’re happily married for 25 years and that made me think about our secret. Why does this marriage work so well? And… looking back, what would I do differently if I had the chance?
I couldn’t help it, but again the answer was all about emotions. Because besides a good fit in personality, intelligence, soul vibration, and vision, you have to be able to conquer emotional challenges together.
Without emotional maturity, a lot of personal issues will harm the other, when they are ‘played out’ in the relationship and lead to pain, discontent and even hardness. So one of our secrets is noticing when something is ‘off’ in the ‘we energy’ (which is all about feeling) and focus on a ‘clear line’ between the two of us.
But when you need to clear it, often personal issues arise. Then it’s crucial that you don’t take things personally while the other is still in process. Oehhhh, that’s a tricky one! Especially when one of you is the subject of that process. Emotional maturity is then about understanding that emotions first of all mirror what’s misaligned in the one feeling them, and are not, in the first place, your task to fix the other or change yourself.
They often say: “One and one is three,” meant to point to the fact that you should uplift each other, but it also means something else. And that’s the next secret I wanted to share with you.
Within a relationship, there are three ‘entities’ involved: you, your partner, and the relationship, the ‘we.’
All three need to be nourished.
All three need to stay healthy.
You need to take care of yourself. Your partner needs to take care of themselves. And the relationship itself needs to be nourished and cherished, with everything that requires.
So there is a me, a he, and an us, in my case. All three deserve to be looked at separately in terms of well-being.
I am deeply grateful that a man like him is on my side.
Strong enough to carry my energy.
Wise enough to see things clearly.
Intelligent enough to not bore me.
Playful enough to keep us young.
And full of present love, to support me.
Helping me following my purpose…
Love, Vera
